If you’re not in your car taking the long way from point A to point B something is wrong. You need to be doing it. Not for me. Not for you. But for the world. This whole big swirling chunk of blue and green and brown is always inevitably and infinitely and immensely better when people are driving with the windows down and taking the long road around.

So if you’re not driving and taking your time right now . . . follow these quick steps. Hurry. The state of the world depends on it.

  1. Get in your car.
  2. Drop windows, roof tops and anything else that will allow maximum air flow.
  3. Put on dope leather racing gloves if you have them. If not, skip to step 4.
  4. Crank music to 11.
  5. Finally, drive like the wind. Not against it. Not with it. But drive like it. Visualize yourself as the literal wind. You are pushing through a million molecules and cutting trough them like a dull butter knife room temperatureĀ butter. And the ones further down the road know you’re coming because their friends are calling ahead to them. “Hey molecule friends. Look out. Here comes the literal wind. It’s come for us and now it’s coming for you. Get ready. Feel it. The world is being set right by this simple act of music and windows being rolled down. Let them pass! Let them pass!”
  6. Rinse and repeat.

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